


bloodbath for birds

by PercificRim



Series: newmann song fics [1]
Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: M/M, it's soft and a little sad but in a pretty way, kind of love confessions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-03-01 12:43:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18800584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PercificRim/pseuds/PercificRim
Summary: Newt looks away, turns to gaze out over the troubled ocean.“Maybe. And I guess everything can mean nothing.”“No,” Hermann says with such unexpected force that Newt starts and swivels back around to stare at Hermann, who is working his jaw as if he’s fighting to hold back from blurting out something momentous. After a moment, he exhales heavily and bites his lip, glancing between Newt and the ocean. “Newton, I… I am about to proceed in a particular manner, and I need you to stop me immediately the moment you become uncomfortable.”





	bloodbath for birds

**Author's Note:**

> read this while you listen to the song bloodbath for birds. i hopefully timed it so reading it lasts the duration of the song.

By the time Hermann finds him, Newt thinks he might be going crazy. He’s sitting on the edge of the roof, facing the ocean, behind the railing but with his legs swung over the edge. Hermann silently lowers himself until he is sitting next to Newt and says nothing. The patter of the rain drums continuously like the dangerous thrum underneath Newt’s skin.

“Have you noticed the sky Hermann? You can’t see stars anymore. What does it mean, Hermann, Hermann, does it mean anything?” Newt trips over his own words. “The ocean, the sky, the moon. Do you ever feel lonely, Hermann?” Newt ploughs on without giving Hermann a chance to answer, but at this point they both know that there’s nothing for Hermann to say, nothing he could say that could reach Newt right now. “Do you ever think that maybe, maybe, maybe we’re not people? Maybe I’m not a person, Hermann. Maybe I’m something else. Sometimes I don’t feel like a person. Maybe I’m not a person. Hermann, are you a person? Hermann, are we friends? I was thinking that I don’t have friends. I was thinking, Hermann, that I have no friends, and I’ll never know anyone.”

He feels in that moment that he’ll scream if he doesn’t move, and so he relaxes his hands and shakes his wrists hard. Hermann takes this opportunity to speak.

“You have me, Newton. You know me better than perhaps anyone else.”

Newt says nothing, just continues to shake the energy out of his hands. Hermann tilts his head backwards to face the stars.

“Hermann.” Newt twist sideways to face him.

“Newton.”

“An ‘H’ sideways is an ‘I’, Hermann. What does that mean?”

Hermann eyes him warily. “An ‘N’ sideways is a ‘Z’. What meaning would you proscribe to that?”

“That I’ll always come last?” Newt suggests, only half joking.

“Nothing has to mean everything, Newton.” Hermann turns to face him with something strange in his eyes. “You understand? There is nothing, _nothing_ that must mean everything. Not one thing on Earth.”

Newt looks away, turns to gaze out over the troubled ocean.

“Maybe. And I guess everything can mean nothing.”

“No,” Hermann says with such unexpected force that Newt starts and swivels back around to stare at Hermann, who is working his jaw as if he’s fighting to hold back from blurting out something momentous. After a moment, he exhales heavily and bites his lip, glancing between Newt and the ocean. “Newton, I… I am about to proceed in a particular manner, and I need you to stop me immediately the moment you become uncomfortable.”

Newt shifts, already slightly uncomfortable, but mentally willing Hermann to continue. Hermann seems to take Newt’s silence as acceptance, as he lifts his eyes once more to meet Newt’s, still with that strange startling intensity.

“Newton, you are wrong. There are some things that do not… _cannot_ mean nothing.” He lifts his hand slowly, as if so not to startle Newt, and takes Newt’s hand in his own. “This,” he says, lifting Newt’s hand between them, and then grabbing Newt’s other, “ _these_ , these will never mean nothing. Can never mean nothing.”

He lowers Newt’s hands slowly, never breaking eye contact. Newt cannot tell what his own expression might be betraying right now. Hermann reaches upwards, still so slowly and steadily, and presses his fingers lightly to Newt’s temples. “This,” and they both know what Hermann is referring to, “it does not mean nothing. It cannot.” And then he slides one hand carefully down Newt’s face, down his cheek, until it dips below Newt’s jaw and two fingers press into Newt’s throat, directly over his pulse point.

“This,” whispers Hermann with such reverence that Newt can feel dampness on his cheeks to match Hermann’s, “means so much, Newton. It always has and it always will. It is a mathematical impossibility for it not to. Do you understand, Newton? Do you understand what I am trying to say?”

Newt wants to say it back, those three words that Hermann has silently articulated. He lifts his own hand and taps two fingers gently to Hermann’s chest, slightly to his right, Hermann’s left.

“Nothing has to mean everything.” Hermann’s eyes widen in recognition as Newt echoes his earlier words. “Nothing has to mean everything. But some things do anyway.” He presses his fingers in gently where they rest over Hermann’s heart. “Some things mean everything. They always have and they always will. It’s biologically impossible for them not to.”

Newt didn’t lean forward to kiss Hermann, nor did Hermann kiss Newt. They sat silently on the rooftop, raindrops accumulating in the dips between Hermann’s fingers where they remained pressed to Newt’s pulse, and the dampness of Hermann’s shirt growing warm where Newt’s hand was pressed over his chest. The beat of the rain matched the steady beat of their heart.

**Author's Note:**

> <3 let me know what you think! if my timing was off i'd b grateful if u told me! make friends w me on twitter @partiallysstars or tumblr @declaredimaginary


End file.
